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Music, Gigs and Bands Discuss music, gigs, bands, tickets in here. Doesn't have to be local to Rossendale and we won't call you for liking the Spice Girls!

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Old 22-04-13, 10:48   #1
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Jokes

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Fred and Fiona were making passionate love in Fred's Transit panel van
when suddenly Fiona (being a bit on the kinky side) yells out:
"Oh fat boy, whip me, whip me!"
Fred, not wanting to pass up this unique opportunity, obviously did
not have any whips to hand, but in a flash of inspiration, opened the
window, snaps the radio-aerial off his van and proceeds to whip Fiona
with it until they both collapse in sado-masochistic ecstasy.

About a week later, Fiona notices that the marks left by the whipping
session are not healing and starting to fester a bit so she goes to the
doctor.
> > The doctor takes one look at the wounds and asks:
> > "Did you get these marks having sex?"
> > Fiona, more than a little embarrassed that she had even slept with
> > Fred - let alone allowed him to indulge in her own kinky desires -
> > eventually admits, "Yes, I did."
> >
> > Nodding his head knowingly, the doctor exclaims:
> > "I thought so. Because, in all my years as a doctor, you've got the
> > worst case of van aerial disease that I have ever seen.
> -----
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Old 30-04-13, 16:52   #2
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Re: Jokes

A father walks into a restaurant with his young son. He gives the young boy three 10 pence coins to play with to keep him occupied.

Suddenly, the boy starts choking and going blue in the face.....

The father realises the boy has swallowed the coins and starts slapping him on the back..

The boy coughs up 2 of the 10-pences but is still choking. Looking at his son, the father is panicking, shouting for help.

A well-dressed, attractive, and serious looking woman, in a blue business suit is sitting at a coffee bar reading a newspaper and sipping a cup of coffee upon hearing the sound of the commotion, looks up, puts her coffee cup down, neatly folds the newspaper, places it on the counter, gets up from her seat and makes her way, unhurried, across the restaurant.

Upon reaching the boy, the woman carefully pulls down his pants; takes hold of the boy's' testicles and starts to squeeze and twist, gently at first and then ever so firmly, tighter and tighter !!!

After a few seconds the boy convulses violently and coughs up the last of the coins, which the woman deftly catches in her free hand.

Releasing the boy's testicles, the woman hands the coin to the father and walks back to her seat at the coffee bar without saying a word.

As soon as he is sure that his son has suffered no ill effects, the father rushes over to the woman and starts thanking her saying, "I've never seen anybody do anything like that before, it was fantastic. Are you a doctor?"

'”No”, the woman replied. “I'm with the Inland Revenue..”




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Old 06-06-13, 15:32   #3
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Re: Jokes

Guy is making love and the women keeps saying please stop, please stop please stop.

Afterwards talking to his mates he said she was very strange as we were making love she kept talking like a telegram.
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