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Old 26-01-16, 17:11   #2421
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All my friends think I am gay because I cant stay on a Skate board more than a minute. I'd like to see them try it in high heels
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Old 01-02-16, 19:25   #2422
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A maid felt that she was entitled to a raise, so like any assertive employee would do, she asked her employer for one. The employer, the wife of the couple she worked for, asked her why she felt she deserved a raise. We’re sure that after stating the third reason she felt she was worthy, she was able to name the amount of the raise that she wanted!
The maid asked for a raise, and the wife was upset.
She asked, “Now, Helen, why do you think you deserve a pay increase?”
Helen: “There are three reasons. The first is that I iron better than you.”
Wife: “Who said that?”
Helen: “Your husband.”
Wife: “Oh.”
Helen: “The second reason is that I am a better cook than you.”
Wife: “Who said that?”
Helen: “Your husband.”
Wife: “Oh.”
Helen: “The third reason is that I am better at sex than you.”
Wife: “Did my husband say that as well?”
Helen: “No, the gardener did.”
Wife How much do you want



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Old 22-02-16, 17:42   #2423
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BBC Radio 4 - Radio 4 in Four - 9 top science jokes from Radio 4

(Taken from BBC Radio 4 - Radio 4 in Four - 4 Minute Reads which are generally quite good to waste a few minutes on)
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Old 28-02-16, 18:41   #2424
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Whats does Bill Clinton say to his wife after sex?
I will be home in 20 minutes love.
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Old 02-03-16, 10:35   #2425
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Two men were sitting next to each other at Murphy’s Pub in London. After awhile, one bloke looks at the other and says, “I can’t help but think, from listening to you, that you must be from Ireland.”
“I am,” said the first bloke.
“Well sweet Mary, mother of God, I’m from Ireland, too,” The first bloke said. “From what part of Ireland do you hail?”
“Why, I’m from a lively little town called Dublin,” he said.
“Limey!” the first bloke responded. “I happen to be from that magnificently beautiful city me-self! From what part of town do you come?”
“A lovely little part of town it was,” the man said. “I lived on McCleary street.”
“Well bless my sheep balls,” the first man said. “I, too, grew up on McCleary street. Where is it that you went for your schoolin’?”
“Why, I went to St Mary’s Catholic school,” the first bloke told him. “Why, those sisters sure could smack the luck outta your palms with their bloody rulers, they could!”
“Why, my mother’s amazing eyes,” the man beside him said. “I, too, went to St. Mary’s! What year did you graduate?”
“1984,” the man said.
“Holy saints and all the sinners, too!” The other man said. “I, too, graduated in 1984!”
At that time, Mary, a regular, walked up to the bar for another drink. “It’s going to be a long night, Cecil, the bartender said. “Why?” asked Mary.






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Old 02-03-16, 11:00   #2426
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^
Erm. Am I being a bit dense ?
Or is the punchline missing ??
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Old 02-03-16, 11:02   #2427
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Laurieloo View Post
^
Erm. Am I being a bit dense ?
Or is the punchline missing ??
I thought that but then i thought it was one of these modern Un funny jokes
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Old 02-03-16, 11:58   #2428
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Quote:
Originally Posted by stoo666 View Post
Two men were sitting next to each other at Murphy’s Pub in London. After awhile, one bloke looks at the other and says, “I can’t help but think, from listening to you, that you must be from Ireland.”
“I am,” said the first bloke.
“Well sweet Mary, mother of God, I’m from Ireland, too,” The first bloke said. “From what part of Ireland do you hail?”
“Why, I’m from a lively little town called Dublin,” he said.
“Limey!” the first bloke responded. “I happen to be from that magnificently beautiful city me-self! From what part of town do you come?”
“A lovely little part of town it was,” the man said. “I lived on McCleary street.”
“Well bless my sheep balls,” the first man said. “I, too, grew up on McCleary street. Where is it that you went for your schoolin’?”
“Why, I went to St Mary’s Catholic school,” the first bloke told him. “Why, those sisters sure could smack the luck outta your palms with their bloody rulers, they could!”
“Why, my mother’s amazing eyes,” the man beside him said. “I, too, went to St. Mary’s! What year did you graduate?”
“1984,” the man said.
“Holy saints and all the sinners, too!” The other man said. “I, too, graduated in 1984!”
At that time, Mary, a regular, walked up to the bar for another drink. “It’s going to be a long night, Cecil, the bartender said. “Why?” asked Mary.
punchline

“The O’Reilly twins are drunk again.”

Doesn't it hack you off when someone steals the punch line ?
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Old 02-03-16, 13:32   #2429
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problems with cut and paste now sorted for you
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Old 08-03-16, 20:28   #2430
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Mike Hucknall has been arrested after being caught shagging a rabbit.
A police source said he was holding back the ears and singing bunnies too tight to mention..
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