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Old 04-06-16, 19:15   #2441
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A man and his nagging wife went on vacation to Jerusalem. While they were there, the wife passed away.

undertaker told the husband, “You can have her shipped home for $5,000, or you can bury her here, in the Holy Land, for only $150.”
man thought about it and decided he would just have her shipped home for $5000.
undertaker asked, “Why would you spend $5,000 to ship your wife home, when it would be wonderful to be buried here and you would spend only $150 ?”
man replied,
“Long ago a man called Jesus Christ died here, was buried here, and three days later he rose from the dead…
I just can’t take that chance.”











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Old 30-06-16, 18:18   #2442
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Bobby Charlton was asked if the team of 66 could beat Iceland, he told them yes. The interviewer asked by how many, Charlton said one nil. The interviewer said is that all. Charlton replied, you must remember some of us are in our 70's
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Old 14-07-16, 17:09   #2443
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One British Company has made a fortune since the referendum and that is Mothercare, due to a big increase in sales of dummies to replace all the ones spat out by the remainers.
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Old 21-08-16, 18:07   #2444
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Apperently a Chinese consortium is planninto buy in to Liverpool football club.
I wonder if their supporters anthem with now become I'll never Wok alone.
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Old 21-10-16, 09:52   #2445
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Whats the difference between God and Bono?

God does not wonder around the streets of Dublin thinking he is Bono.
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Old 09-11-16, 19:53   #2446
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Poor old Bill
Hillary Clinton goes to her doctor for a check-up, only to find out that she's pregnant.
She is furious... Here she is -- in the middle of her election campaign --now this has happened to her!
She calls home, gets Bill on the phone and immediately starts screaming: "You bastard! How could you have let this happen?
With all that's going on right now, you go and get me pregnant! How could you? I can't believe this! I've just found out I'm five weeks pregnant and it's all your fault!..... .Well, what have you got to say?"
There is nothing but dead silence on the phone.
She screams again, "Did you hear me?"
Finally, she hears Bill's very, very quiet voice, in a barely audible whisper: " Whose calling?
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Old 22-11-16, 19:16   #2447
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Teacher to little girl. "I want you to use the word contagous in a sentence.." Little girl, " My daddy saw the man next door painting his house with a 2" brush and said it will take the contagous."
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Old 07-03-17, 20:35   #2448
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A man in Leeds is suing St James Hospital as he says his wife came in for an operation and since the operation she has lost her sex drive.
The hospital has replied that they dont understand it as she came in for an cateract operation to make it possible for her to see again
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Old 01-04-17, 14:27   #2449
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An Israeli doctor said, "In Israel, medicine is so advanced that we cut off a man's testicles, put them on another man, and in 6 weeks, he is looking for work."
The German doctor said, "That's nothing, in Germany we take part of a brain, put it in another man and in 4 weeks he is looking for work."
The Russian doctor said, "Gentlemen, we take half a heart from a man, put it in another man's chest and in 2 weeks he is looking for work."
The Scottish doctor just laughed and commented, "You are all way behind us.
Thirteen months ago, we took a woman with no brains, no heart, and no balls and made her first minister of Scotland.
Now, the whole of Scotland is looking for work!!"
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